oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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