Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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