Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
