How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
