This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
