There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
