He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
