I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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