we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
