community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
