Screwed.edu
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
