this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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