just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
