i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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