I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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