My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
