I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
