I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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