I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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