Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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