this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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