I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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