hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
