the day after is always just damage control
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
