I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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