If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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