I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
