Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
