There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
