Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
