Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
