That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
