Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
