peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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