Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
