Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
