ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
