dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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