the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
