that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
