Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
