IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My ass is underappreciated
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
