You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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