I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
