She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
