He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
