you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
