Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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