I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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