you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
