awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
