Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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