Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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