I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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