yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
