Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
