Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
