i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
